I just returned from the grocery store and I wanted to share with all of you something that occurred. A young woman in line next me could not afford all of her groceries. Her cart held a few leftover items like produce, eggs, toiletries. It broke my heart. I edged over and offered to pay for the rest, but she refused to let me, saying, “It’s ok, really.” When the woman left, the customer who was in line behind her, said to me, “Maybe you shouldn’t have done that; it just embarrassed her.”
Ouch! Well of course that wasn’t my intention and I apologize if I did that, but is that the new excuse for not helping out a fellow human? “Oh, I might embarrass them.” If that’s true, what a depressing state of mankind. I told the woman this and she shrugged. If it wasn’t my turn in line, I would have found a box to stand on, grab the intercom and said, “Can I get a reality check at register 12?” I said I wouldn’t ever apologize for offering to help someone out and that perhaps by seeing me extend a hand, someone else will offer help to a person in need.
This woman had a small child with her and I found it sad that she’d rather teach her child to be apathetic, than show him the importance of paying it forward.
Not a day goes by that I’m not grateful for what I have. I live a pretty comfortable life that allows me to stay at home, write, cook, buy my kid nice clothes, etc. I don’t offer to help people because I want a pat on the back. I do it because it’s the right thing to do. Plain and simple. When I was 21, I stood in the Medicaid/Welfare line carrying my newborn son in a car carrier. I was a single parent and I know how difficult, if not impossible it is to get ahead when you don’t have money. I was lucky that my parents could help, but if I didn’t have their support, I would hope someone would at least offer to help—whether I was willing to take it or not.
This incident reminds me of a documentary I saw a few weeks ago called “I Am.” It asks the questions, What is wrong with the world and how can we fix it?
It is a powerful movie with an incredible message that I think we all need to hear.
Maybe I overstepped my societal boundaries at the store today—I don’t know. I hope not. And I hope we haven’t come to that as a community, as a society, or as a race.
What do you think?
I love it. You did a wonderful thing. I have paid it forward at the Starbucks drivethru many times. And now that my husband has been laid off for quite some time now and times are tough, this story makes me very happy.
Thanks! I hope your husband finds work soon. It’s been so tough for so many families; hopefully things are starting to turn around.
Here’s what I think.
1. I would have, and have, done the same thing.
2. The young lady might simply have known she didn’t need those products, or that she’d been careless with her money and didn’t want to accept your generosity knowing this.
and 3. Even though she didn’t accept your MONEY, your generosity will not be forgotten and for that moment, embarassed or not, you touched her life with kindness.
As for the comment you recieved? Sounds like someone justifying why she wouldn’t have done that herself.
Thanks, Izzy. The woman told the cashier she may not have enough cash for everything, but she couldn’t sort thru it because she said “I need it all.” And she wasn’t buying chips, Twinkees, or soda–it was all basic stuff. But I hope you’re right.
pride is tough and maybe it was cutural.but it might have embaressed her.. but don’t stop trying to give ever… so sweet of you.
I would’ve (and have done) the same thing.
I was once witnessed a man unable to pay his grocery bill (2 people in front of me), the woman behind him (1 in front of me) dropped a $20, tapped him on the shoulder and said, “I think you dropped this.”
Very cool.
It stayed with me.
That is very cool.
I was telling my mom about a couple of homeless people about town who I find annoying and she said, “Well, I always give something because I remember the people who helped me out.” And without her deliberately doing so, felt chastised. Who am I to decide who “deserves” a dollar or not?
I guess I don’t try to determine who needs what more. All I figure is that at that moment, they need it more than I do; that if I can spare it, why not? If it helps them, whether it’s for a pack of cigarettes, a bottle of booze, or food, I don’t care. It’s what they need right then because at hte end of the day, I have a warm house to go home to and they don’t.
I would have done the same thing. (if able) People like you are what we need MORE of in this world!!
Oh thanks, Rachel. I think it’s in all of us, but we get caught up in the daily grind that we forget to help out those who could use a hand.
Some people have some nerve. How dare she say that to you when you are showing an act of kindness. I applaud you!
A very wise man once told me, “the act of being Spiritual is simply doing what’s in front of you to do….could be just replacing the toilet paper to make it better for the next person”. That is now our motto.
If anything, you led by example by showing how to love and care for a fellow human brother/sister.
Besides, apathy is overrated…it’s what’s got us in the mess we’re in, eh?
I would’ve done the same thing if I were so led.
I was in a store once and I saw a woman on a cell phone and crying. She looked up at me and then back down. She wasn’t lightly crying, she was crying hard. I almost asked her if she needed help, and then I thought she probably needed her space (because I am a person that needs space) and I walked away.
I got up to the register and suddenly there was a ton of commotion and a 911 request. Turns out the crying woman had had some sort of “event” either stroke or seizure and in her confusion the only thing she could think to do was call her daughter. It was her daughter who FINALLY got her to approach someone for help.
From that moment on I vowed that if I perceived or even suspected a need for help that I would rather offer it and be rebuffed (or even yelled at) than not do anything.
You may very well have embarrassed the woman. I have been embarrassed over lack of money, but your value was to politely offer help and not push beyond that and that is OK. The other woman may have been the type that would have been embarrassed and so she reflected on it from her personality.
You approached with a good heart and good intentions and that is OK. You can actually learn from yourself, the gal that had to leave her groceries, and the one that thought you were out of line. I approach different people differently…and always learn the most from the ones that don’t go as planned.
Thank you for sharing that! I think you’re absolutely right–learning something from both those women and myself was probably the best thing that could have happened that day.
Thank you very much for sharing your experience. I think you did the right thing by offering help – you simply went with your heart and tried to help out a person in need, and there is no shame in that.
I sure your offer was genuine, and maybe it will help the woman you tried to assist in accepting future help offers… way to go 🙂
Thank you–I appreciate that. 🙂